Why Do I Feel This Way at Work? Understanding the Unholy Trinity of Corporate Confusion

You wake up Monday morning with a sense of dread. Your company offers decent pay, good benefits, maybe even a nice office. So why does every workday feel like you're swimming through mud? Why do you leave meetings feeling dismissed, anxious, or simply confused?

If you've been asking yourself "why do I feel this way at work?"—you're not alone. And more importantly, you're not imagining it.

After 12 years working in corporate environments both locally and globally, I've seen the same toxic patterns repeat across companies. Today, I want to shed light on three interconnected dynamics I call the "unholy trinity" that might be shaping your daily experience: Knowing, Scapegoating, and Gaslighting.

1. KNOWING: The Root Cause of Confusion

Let's start with a simple question: Do you actually know what's required from you at work?

In an ideal world, here's what should happen: At the beginning of the financial cycle, your company sets strategic goals. These cascade down to your department and eventually to you as specific, achievable personal goals. These goals align with your capabilities, scope, level of authority, and accountability. You know exactly what success looks like, what quality standards apply, and how to measure progress.

If this describes your workplace, congratulations—you've found a one-in-a-million scenario.

Here's What Actually Happens

You're given goals that are:

• Unrealistic, difficult, or even impossible to achieve
• Unclear about the desired output or outcome
• Missing any definition of what "satisfactory quality" means
• Vague about how you'll know when you've succeeded

BUT—and here's the kicker—these unclear goals form a huge chunk of your yearly assessment. Your performance bonus is probably tied to them too.

This isn't confusion. This is confusion by design.

When you don't know what's expected, you can't advocate for yourself. You can't push back on unrealistic demands. You can't prove you've succeeded. The ambiguity keeps you constantly reaching, constantly uncertain, constantly feeling like you're falling short.

2. SCAPEGOATING: Set Up to Fail

Even when goals ARE clear, there's another trap waiting: being assigned responsibility without authority.

Here's what this looks like in practice:

You're assigned to a project that depends on three other people. They're not on your team. They report elsewhere. They're higher in the organizational hierarchy. Your only tool to get their cooperation? Kindly asking.

No one listens. No one prioritizes your requests. But when the project falls behind schedule, guess who gets blamed?

You.

Or consider this scenario: You need to deliver something that requires investment, but you weren't given any budget. You're expected to use your "imagination and creativity" to make it happen—with no resources.

Then you're told the client is getting nervous. The project is behind schedule. Your manager wants to know why you haven't made more progress.

The Scapegoat Promotion

I sometimes joke that companies promote people to positions they didn't know were being recruited for: scapegoat.

You're given tasks to be responsible for that you have no influence or power over. When things inevitably go wrong, you become someone to blame.

This dynamic doesn't just create work stress—it attacks your nervous system. The constant anxiety of being held accountable for things outside your control creates a state of chronic tension that follows you home, affects your relationships, and erodes your sense of competence.

3. GASLIGHTING: The Damage You Do to Yourself

Now for the most insidious part of the unholy trinity: the gaslighting you inflict on yourself.

Be honest—have you ever said to yourself, "It's just a job"?

Let me walk you through a typical day:

You start your morning with a mailbox on fire. Your boss demands something urgent. Again. The clock is ticking. A project you started last month has escalated. You miss lunch—again this week. You see three missed calls from an important client. You need to call them back immediately, but you're also being called into a meeting with stakeholders to present important data.

And it's not even the end of the working day.

So... Is This Really "Just a Job"?

The level of stress you experience daily. The constant urgency. The limited predictability. This is your reality.

When you tell yourself "it's just a job," you're belittling the real impact this environment has on you. On your mental and physical health. On your overall wellbeing. On your capacity to be present for your friends, your family, and yourself.

It's never just a job. It's never just an email. It's never just a meeting.

It's the sum of experiences that make you feel the way you feel.

And by minimizing it, you're doing the work of gaslighting for your employer. You're convincing yourself that your needs don't matter, that your stress isn't valid, that you should just be grateful and push through.

How to Deal With All of This

Understanding these dynamics is the first step. Here's what you can start doing today:

1. Start Documenting

Write down what you think is expected from you. Then notice where it's unclear, unrealistic, or changes without warning. Bring these observations to your one-on-one meeting with your supervisor. Ask for clarity. Get things in writing.

2. Notice the Patterns

When you feel that surge of anxiety or uncertainty, pause. Ask yourself: Is this your general anxiety, or is this your response to a particular person, sentence, or situation?

Recognition is power. When you can name the pattern, you can start to protect yourself from it.

3. Stop Gaslighting Yourself

The next time you catch yourself saying "it's just a job," pause.

Name what's actually happening and acknowledge the situation:

• "This is an unrealistic expectation"
• "This is very stressful and difficult for one person to handle"
• "I wasn't explained what is required from me, and expectations are unfairly high"

Validation isn't complaining. It's seeing reality clearly.

You're Not Imagining It

If you've read this far and recognized yourself in these scenarios, understand this: You're not the problem.

The confusion, the impossible expectations, the anxiety—these aren't signs that you're failing. They're signs that you're operating in a system designed to keep you off-balance.

The good news? Once you understand the dynamics at play, you can start reclaiming your power. You can set boundaries. You can advocate for yourself. You can make informed decisions about what you're willing to tolerate and what you're not.

Corporate structures may be designed to keep you small, but you don't have to stay that way.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Sometimes you need more than general strategies—you need someone who understands your specific situation and can help you navigate it. I work with professionals who are ready to reclaim their power in corporate environments through mentoring and coaching.

📍 Book a free 20-minute consultation to discuss your workplace challenges and explore how we can work together.

- Kasia
Ownersheep | I help you decode corporate manipulation so you can protect yourself and reclaim your power