‘You Should Have Known’ Manipulative Phrase from Corporate
If your boss has ever said ‘you should have known’ and left you questioning your entire competence - this one's for you.
We need to talk about this phrase. Because it's not feedback. It's not guidance. It's pure manipulation.
The Scene We All Know
Picture this: You complete a project. Submit it on time. Then your boss looks at it and says those four words: You should have known.
Known what exactly?
That they wanted it in a different format? That the priorities changed? That there was some unspoken expectation floating in the corporate ether?
But here's the thing - how could you have known? There was no email. No meeting. No documentation. No conversation. Just an expectation that you're somehow a mind reader.
Why This Phrase Is So Damaging
When someone says ‘you should have known’, three things happen:
1. You question your competence Maybe I'm not as good as I thought. Maybe everyone else knows things I don't. Maybe I'm the problem.
2. The real issue disappears Instead of addressing their failure to communicate, suddenly YOU'RE the issue. The conversation shifts from "what went wrong" to "what's wrong with you."
3. You accept blame that isn't yours You apologize. You promise to do better. You take responsibility for someone else's communication failure.
Here's What's Really Happening
This isn't about you missing something. It's about them not communicating and needing someone to blame.
Think about it - if something was truly important, truly critical, wouldn't they have made sure you knew? Wouldn't they have documented it, discussed it, confirmed it?
The phrase ‘you should have known’ is accountability dodging at its finest. They didn't plan properly. They didn't communicate clearly. They changed their mind. But instead of owning that, they make it your failure.
The Hidden Expectation Game
In toxic workplaces, you should have known, becomes a power play. It keeps you:
Constantly anxious - What else don't I know?
Over-delivering - Maybe if I do extra, I'll hit the hidden target
Dependent - Always needing to check, double-check, triple-check
Accepting less - Grateful when they actually communicate clearly
How to Protect Yourself
Next time someone says ‘you should have known’, here's your strategy:
1. Don't accept the premise Instead of apologizing, ask: "Help me understand - where was this communicated?"
2. Document everything Start every project with an email: "Based on our discussion, I understand you need X by Y date in Z format. Please confirm."
3. Flip the script "I work with the information provided. What specific communication did I miss?"
4. Recognize the pattern If ‘you should have known’ is common in your workplace, the problem isn't you. It's the culture.
The Truth Nobody Tells You
People who communicate well don't need to say ‘you should have known.’ They say:
I should have been clearer
Let me explain what I need
I realize I didn't specify
Good leaders take responsibility for communication gaps. Manipulative ones make those gaps your fault.
What ‘You Should Have Known’ Really Means
Let me translate:
I didn't plan properly
I forgot to tell you
I changed my mind but won't admit it
I need someone to blame
I don't want to be accountable
Your Power Move
Stop believing you're a mind reader who failed. Start recognizing this phrase for what it is - a manipulation tactic designed to make their problem your fault.
You can't know what was never communicated. And that's not a failure of competence. That's a failure of leadership.
Ready to decode more workplace manipulation?
[Download my free PowerBook] Decode toxic workplace communication
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Remember: You're not a mind reader. And you shouldn't have to be.
- Kasia
Ownersheep | I decode corporate manipulation so you can protect yourself and reclaim your power
P.S. Forward this to anyone who's ever been told they ‘should have known’ something that was never communicated. They need to hear this isn't about them.